ITS FARGO BEEYOTCH.

Ressurection.

2009-06-07T00:15:00.000-07:00

You resurrected from the dead.
You came back.
Out of a sudden, out of the blue.
I wished you hadn't, believe it or not.
Honestly, my heart isnt racing anymore.
Yesterday's ice cream never tasted better, 5 cancer sticks in one go satisfied my paranoia sitting beside you.
If i were you, i would have vanished, and never returned.
Staring blankly into the walls, thinking on my bed.
Thoughts cloud my mind, so misty i cant think rationally.
Cos deep inside i know, game over.
Why hold on to something you know you could never get ? Let go.

2009-06-04T05:46:00.000-07:00

Seriously.
You're a jerk.

Auf Weithersen.

2009-06-03T06:09:00.000-07:00

Goodbye is a word i never intend to say to a person.
Especially if much love and care was poured in, without a tint of regret.
It happened. Yet again.
Maybe i should really start meditating.
These multiple occurances is making me deprived.
Of what i had imagined it'd be like ever since 12.
"oh here it goes again."
Sleepless nights and nervous breakdowns all over again.
Strike 3.
Fareed is prolly sick of my same ol' shit, but hes hanging in there.
For me, for his BFF. <3
And from the bottom of my heart, i would like to extend my deepest gratitude towards his never ending encouragement and his own style words of wisdom. =D
"As i was just about to anchor my heart, he pulled back the rope and stabbed it off."
23 gunshots would have not have caught a person dead, but three heartbreaks in a row seems enough.

As you had it.

2009-06-01T05:26:00.000-07:00

As you screamed.
As you prayed.
As you longed.
So very badly.
For this thing called affection.
And when it was finally delivered, you felt you have just struck a royal flush.
So very near to impossibility, yet achievable.
This is the last time of abandoning.
I wish i could.
Time span between texts grew from hours to days.
What more meet ups.
Maybe you;re tired. And broke.
Gah.
Cant push it underground, cos your name is screaming in my head.
Now you know im trapped, i want a vacation now.
I wont let you murder me, smother me nor bury me.

MeekahRun.

2009-05-31T00:34:00.000-07:00

Go girl.
Questions left unanswered.
Or maybe not even bothered tryin to answer.
Lay down the honest truth.
How preposterous it may be.
Work is so mundane.

Webcam-ed with Keemy yest.
Haha, never fails to make me feel like hot pee.
Gah. He has taken yummy to the next level.
To a level no guy has reached. HAHAHA.
Okay, imma bit biased. Smooch me.

White ponies and lavender lilies.

2009-05-25T13:05:00.001-07:00

I cant seem to close my eyes.
They somehow forgotten how to shut.
My body refuses to shut down.
All thanks to my mind.
Who inconsiderately kept wandering.
To places, and thoughts that kept my heart beating faster, rejuvenating the fluttering butterflies in my tummy.
My oh my.
Ive never wanted something so bad.
Will i get away victorious this time ?
My ultimate trophy is worth 120931 times more than an Oscars.
Haha. =D
Oh baby, in love indeed i am with my new shoes.

RIP my dear friend.

2009-05-08T08:03:00.000-07:00

Syed Faruk
Met in 1998, you were the golden boy in class.
Your skin's so pale, your hair was golden brown.
You were the only malay boy in the class.
Coincidentally, we randomly scored the same marks for our malay papers.
Which unfortunately sparked off a stupid rumour abt us liking each other and shit.
Haha. Pri sch stuffs.
We had a chance to sit beside each other for a period of time, sandwiched between Kenneth and you was indeed fun.
I remembered how you and Kenneth would cover your books during Mental Sums, so i couldnt get a peep.
And when my sister would appear at the corridor, youd be like "EH TOYOL !" cos of her hair, how you would call me Fat Ham...
Having the class gathering in March was so fortunate, and you turning up was a blessing considering you being MIA the whole time.
It was nice, having to know you in this lifetime.
May god bless your soul. Amin.

Fuck you, im homophobic.

2009-05-03T11:16:00.000-07:00

Call me whatever you want.
Anger fills me.
At this point of time, i despise you.
In every way.
Every inch of your body is fuelling the rage in me.
You had no right whatsoever to vent your anger on me.
What sorta good friend scares the shit out of another ?
Am i over-reacting ? Nah.
Fuck that.
Spore is taking my bff away this sept.
He asked me to get a bf to sorta replace him.
Any takers ? HAHA.

Yesterday wasnt good enough.

2009-04-26T01:29:00.000-07:00

Skipped work, hung out with Fareed.
Rode to town, parked, and walked.
Window-shopped, people-watched, starry-eyed.
Remember how i got so egg-ed up over where the hot boys are ?
Now im pretty much satisfied.
Hot boys do exist here. Middle of the day onwards.
Yesterday was an eye-opener, pretty much shows how much im lacking behind.
Im so yesterday.
Ninabu luh. I wanna get the top from FourSkin.
27 bucks only. Its like a jersey top. FUCKING CB NICE AND CHEAP.
I need moolah.
After much town-ing, we rode off to East Coast, ate and talked.
Pretty awesome night. =D
It'll always be with Fareed around !

Suffocated.

2009-04-20T06:52:00.000-07:00

Seriously, where the fuck are the cute boys?
Cheebai.
Being with a good-looking bunq everyday is not helping much.
Followed Fareed to his bff's pit.
Where are all the ex hotyummysteamy patricians at ? Knn.
Zilch.
Only got Bo, who came with his fuckinghotcbdamnpretty gf. *slaps nehneh*
Im giving up.
I need to start hanging out late at Haji Lane.
I sense a glimpse of hope there. HAHA.
The indie scene hot boys.
Eh sudah.
As ikin would say, "Siallah ema, dorang tgk kau, dorang lari bodoh."
There goes my self-esteem/confidence/pride. Thanks sister.
Thats just what i need.
And I can just kiss Halin goodbye.
I fucking need to start taking pictures man.
My album is in need of an update.
Tmr sheesha ! WOOT.

Chew me up, anytime.

2009-04-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

Halin.
This guy posseses it all.
Okay, maybe im a bit biased.
But seriously, other than him, ive got noone in mind thats worth it.
Worth my effin time.
He'd be the cure to my gayism.

WEAKNESS 2.0

2009-04-05T05:44:00.000-07:00

Woah chibai.
"Jason would you fuck Emma?" HAHALOL. CB.
Thats what you get when u have Philip as your dear manager.
3.30pm and ill camp myself in the kitchen.
Peeling eggs or just sitting on the kitchen top with my lesbolove, V.
Jason will come in, smiling sheepishly, with Philip in a corner, taking off his pants.
Ill be deep in a conversation with Philip while Jason starts takin off his top.
But fuckinhell, i couldnt help but to fucking look at his bighardmadeofsteelivebeenworkingoutalot body. GAAAAAAAH.
People have always asked me what kinda body i like.
Now bitches, i have a living proof to show what ive been describing.
MEATY AND HARD AND LEAN.
Gosh, but its sad hes leaving us so soon.
Yest was his last, and he HUGGED me goodbye. HAHA. Chew on that Philip ! HAHALOL.
Oh wells, i offered to shake his hands, but he chose to hug me instead. Hmm. =)
Some things are meant to be untouched and are better left as savouries.
FOOHH. Tmr pay day baby.
Im in terrible need of a retail therapy.
Prolly going shopping with my italiano babe and my lesbolve. =D Yay!

Sinful indulgence.

2009-03-26T05:54:00.000-07:00

Green trees.
Red roses.
A bucketful of blood, sitting by the corner.
I dont feel right.
Something is terribly amiss.
I feel weak, agitated.
Im drowsy, but my eyes refuse to shut.
Pls, let me sleep.
Girlfriend didnt turn up today. :(
"Sick".
1.8m man reported in today.
Welcome dude, enjoy your stay while it lasts.
Mrs De Souza. + scandal with V Ban. Cantek.

take my hand, and make me drown in your world.

2009-03-22T08:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was good while it lasted.
For that good few hours while she was next to me most of the time, i swear on-lookers thought i was a lesbian.
Not that i mind, of course. HAHA.
Lying beside her on the bed, talking, making fun of our foreign colleagues, giggling, was amafuckingzing.
She's just so fun.
And its reassuring to know that we could click so well with each other, considering we knew each other for like a mnth ?
Philip's hot cousins were there and i fucking didnt even cared LOL.
V was there tailing me wherever i went and i was like OKAAAY ! HAHAHA.
Sucha cutie slut she is.
And i even forced her to drink before she was going off.
And being so fair, she flushed almost immediately.
Her cheeks were red, it was kinda cute lah. HAHA.
Shes like "fuck emma, im red ! I dont wanna get drunk in the bus !" HAHA.
F lah, shes a good friend. And thats it.

S.O.A.B

2009-03-08T05:31:00.000-07:00

Update: Ive not conquered my fear.
Correction. I thought ive conquered mine, but turned out, im still afraid.
My fairytales dont usually last long.
He's gone. Dead and gone.
Yesterday was impromptu lol.
Rad had a birthday chalet, and so the 4 of us went.
Food greeted us, kids annoyed us and the 100 bucks cake was delisch !
Rad's bf didnt make it in the end cos according to Rad, he chickened out. LOL.
Oh wells...next time i guess.
After that, i met up with Fareed and Nicholas at Parkway.
Ate and zoomed to CHIJMES Le Barroque.
Met Neek's friends there, fuck they were like 3/4 high already. CB.
The live band was awesomeeeeeee.
And fucking hell, Sarah bought me a shot with some whip cream shit on it called Blowjob or smtg and i had to fucking take it without the use of hands.
So yeah, picture that. HAHA.
It was fun nonetheless. :)))
Girls are fucking crazy especially when they start puking.

A night under the stars.

2009-03-05T06:05:00.000-08:00

More like hell.
I fought with Fareed.
With my mom, cos she thinks i spend too much on clothes.
My mood is at its ultimatum.
So low, you wouldnt even wanna Superpoke me on Facebook.
I had my Typhoid jab today.
Say hello to Vanessa. :D
Lappys are fun when u have a cam on it.
Oh cmon, you would wanna be seen with her.

God, muttons to midnight really cracked the shit out of me.

Disaster-prone

2009-03-04T05:50:00.000-08:00

Im disaster-prone.
Dissapointment-prone.
Just plain fucking unlucky.

Work was fun as hell just now. :)
And hey, no news at all.
Im melting, rapidly fading.
It feels as though ive lost something.
Tremendously close to my heart.

Swing towards me, girl.

2009-03-03T03:57:00.000-08:00

When im with him, im thinking of you.
I know im heading towards the wrong turn, but hell, you're gorgeous.
Temptations elude my mind whenever im with you.
You make me wanna go out of my league, and run through the terrain, skin pierced by the thorns, bloody, and make me feel damn good and secure.
Far, far away from the norm.
Pain never felt this good.
You're my sip of sin for now.
V, you're simply breath-taking, you make me wanna drown in my puke.

Ive found you.

2009-03-01T08:07:00.000-08:00

Love is about conquering your fear and setting your heart and soul free. To soak in the bliss and warmth of his arms, to know theres someone out there who would do anything for you, who would stand by your side through thick and thin, who would wipe your tears and kiss your eyes and laugh with you.

Ive conquered mine. And i adore you, love.

It was mere bullshit.

2009-02-28T23:33:00.000-08:00

Having promised me the Flyer, a movie and a boozing session, a day later, you stood me up.
Waiting 2 hours not knwing what the fuck was going on could have driven me nuts.
Tears were just welling up in my eyes, waiting for that perfect moment to roll down.
After yest night, i think im able to say FUCK YOU right in your face.
Im just not game enough luh okay. Geez.
Ive gotta admit my feelings has evolved into smtg else.
Argh, screw you. Im not gg to punish myself for shitniezzles.
This is so secondary school. Only my feelings are much more fragile now.
Oh wells moving on.
I cant wait for work tmr. :))
Its about time to try smtg new. Smtg so new, my momma's gg to be so proud of me im staying a virgin till i get hitched.
It IS possible right ? HAHA.

Cherry bomb and candlesticks.

2009-02-24T19:22:00.000-08:00

Make room for the prey
'Cause I'm coming in
With what I wanna say but
It's gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but...

I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people.

Ahh i took that from "Miss you love" by Silverchair.
I got hooked to that song the instant i heard it.
"Tell me what you learn from that song."
Its about love. Durh. Being doubtful, afraid.
Love takes courage. Tons of it.
I must admit i dont wanna fall in love.
Not now. Time is just off.
And im in no mood for love.
But you made me wanna fly high with you up in the sky.
Where everything is beautiful, serene and blissful.
"The one that always make you laugh will make you cry most."
That struck me. It sent chills down my spine i swear.
Why must he mention that before anything ?
Somehow my vision of tomorrow(LOL) recognised that and rang the sirens in my head.
Thats a warning, bitch.
But ironically, i still want him, i still wanna give him a shot.
Fuck luh. Screw me.

Embracing the light of your halo.

2009-02-17T06:10:00.000-08:00

Bliss and doubt entwined.
"I dont know if this is right, but everytime i talk to you i get this feeling. I dont know if you feel the same way. But its something beautiful. Haha."
I was 97% into sleeping, my sister was like EMMAAAA WAKEEE UPPP !
I swear i didnt even hear my message tone ring.
And my eyes were just like 0.0
Why this sudden message ? Why why why ?
Its never supposed to turn out this way.
Im not sure what exactly im feeling right now, but i do love talking to him.
God. So wrong.
Fight this temptation.
Its just so weird, everytime i speak to him, my heart jumps all over the place. I have no idea what the fuck that means but yeah. HAHAHA. Its smtg good for sure.
I freaking sacrificed sleep, American Idol and even Man Utd soccer matches just to talk to that skelly. Now you tell me. Worth it or not?

Pre-Valentines trauma.

2009-02-13T05:34:00.000-08:00

Salad, rojak and to top it off, some keropok.
Yes,applaud. God damn it.
Oh anyways, I cant wait for next Saturday.
Screw tmr. Valentines dont mean nothing. Lol. =D
But but, ive got some plans made just for tmr just so i dont sulk at home, being dateless.
Im going to have a picnic at Sentosa with my friends ! =D
Oh wells, anything to keep me going.
Oh it will be fun. Ill make sure of it. HAHA.
Oh cmon, its 938pm, and still no sign.
Its this mixed receptions that annoys the shit out of me.
One moment "eh i miss your laughter.", the next moment "kau jer boleh layan merepek aku!"
Im like okay. So we ARE BFFs. Oh whatever, gee people need to stop screwing with my mind.
Its like I'd stay up all the way to 445am just to chat uh. When i know ive got to wake up in 1 hr time for work, its like it didnt matter uh. All that mattered was that i got to talk to him and OMGGG i didnt even care abt eyebags or being drowsy at wrk. WHAT IS THIS SIAL. fucking bull.

Ahh, last Saturday was random, unexpected and a pleasant surprise.
Whatever that got me to go with Fareed to the Impromptu thing, id like to thank whatever that thing is.
And thank god i was dressed up luh. Imagine if i werent, Fareed would have pissed in his pants.
"Fareed kau nk sheesha tk ? Alah cam biaser ah, 4 org jer"
HAH KAU. We reached there, only to be greeted by like 14 people ? Bloody hip hoppers.
Yo yo yo. But seriously i underestimated the amount of talent our local hip hop scene could offer. I mean the beats and rhythm down to the lyrics, it was maddd.
I was actually grooving luh. HAHA.
And omgz, the DJ was like heating up the whole place. HEHE.
That impromptu thing really lived up to its name. Literally.

The Impromptu thing with Freaaaky Z.

HAHA. muker bodoh.

muker bodoh no.2

Chey fareed, cnfm trok pic ni pat facebook. mau bet pa ? lol. =D

Vomit never tasted any better.

2009-02-06T04:27:00.000-08:00

61.
Lucky number for today.
At least, for now.
Hunger feels good.
Reality is too harsh.
People are crafty, bitchy and narcassistic.
Over-rated.
Teens in Singapore are just plain boring.
And you.
What the fuck was i thinking sia. Cb luh.
Call it stupidity or desperation to fit in, whatever you'd like.
That small alien has got me sunk into his world.
Boobs or ass ? Boobs.
He's just erm. Full of life, passion and bullshit.
I guess hes does what he does cos he wanna get noticed, making up for the small size he is ? Lols.
And to be honest, i do think he has self-esteem issues.
HAHA, im not that much of a loser after all.
To think hes like the dopest luh. Cb.
"Girls think im disgusting. Ive got crooked nose. Sweaty palms." Oh fuck you.
Okay like right now, at this moment, i dont think i LIKELIKE him, i just think hes cool. And that i LIKE him as a mutual friend.
i DO look forward to talking to him, only because he excites me.
In a good way, motherbitches.
And HAHA, apparently Ikin saw him in the train just now ! Lol, pussy.
Burn is like HES CUTE IN A COOL SORTA WAY. Right.
Darn. Work;s fun, food's a bitch.
No feed through mouth nor anal, piercings are orgasmic and i love my mom ! =D

Go far, far away from me.

2009-02-03T06:02:00.000-08:00

I know.
Im nver gonna be good enough.
Tuesday was full of you.
What ifs. Hows. Whys.
Im crazy.
It was so easy. Why so ?
Prolly cos of my desires.
You're Noah's Arc.
Noone ever knew if it really existed.
Cos i dont know if you're even real.
Amafuckingzing.
Oh i realised today that it's abt time i take charge of my life.
Ive wasted to much time idling.

Lil Jondayak at 6am.

That is so not his hair please.

Enlarged earlobes anyone ?

2009-02-02T05:14:00.000-08:00

Hey, its been pretty long since i posted a piece of my life.
Things have been spicy these past few days.
Ups and downs, the usual, life doing its thing.
Obriens has been fun.
Im broke as fuck.
I love the new friends i made.
Esp si dayak who watches anime. =D
Henderson Waves is such an awesome place to go chill at.

Its by far the windiest spot ive been to.
It got so chilly at night, i actually shivered.
Hah, ok maybe not to the extent of shivering, but fuck it was damn cold.
Have u ever felt like you wanna bad-looking but good-hearted kinda guy?
Who serenades you with his mad guitar skills and beautiful sensual voice...
Whose face reminds you of all the hot guys you know, combined...
Whose ideal date would be kite-flying and blowing bubbles in the swaying breeze...
Whos willing to help you be "cool", instead of demoralizing you...
Who's so influential, you are determined to peirce you lips just so you can stand proud next to him...
I know. He's a dream. A dream that might just turn into a nightmare with one wrong move.
Ah fuckit, forget it. Ive promised, no more heartaches.

Save me.

2009-01-06T08:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i wished you would save me.
I wont give up till its over.
If it takes you forever, i just wanna you to know that im sorry.
Noone understood what it was like.
Cos noone knew.
Take it all away if you may.
Why you asked.
I could have died laughing.
Cmon SOAB, you could do better than that.
Dont lose faith in yourself.

Nipple turning and wine fit.

2009-01-04T03:52:00.000-08:00

Greatest heart-felt condolences towards Travolta and his family on the demise of thier teen son. :(
It was really shocking, having to tune into CNN and there it was under latest "TRAVOLTA'S 16 YR OLD SON DIES OF SEIZURE"
That feeling of helplessness and "what ifs" starts to set in.
Ive always have this sorta rewind in my head, a prelude to death.
And to taste what death feels like, those final seconds before everything comes to an end.
Flashbacks of your entire life ? Bright white light ? Pain ?
Guess we'll never know, till your time's up.

And so i went to sleep yesterday night without his voice ringing in my head.
No image of him either.
And so i thought confidently to myself, this is it, IVE MOVED ON !
God, i deserve a party for this shit.
Ahh, ever since New Years, i stuck my ass to my couch with my laptop on my lap.
My sis starting school tomorrow, job hunting returns tomorrow too.
Ergh, 2009 is supposed to be fun.
Okay maybe im just being pessimistic, its only been 4 days into the new year.
Relax, the moon is glistening, the sun is shining.
Its gonna be good, everything is under control.
Except my god damn nerves.
Cmon cupids, i made a wish at the stroke of midnight.
How long does it usually take for a wish to be granted ?
You jollywell know what i want. =D
Hardy hardy hardy, you're my current soundtrack in my jukehead.
Psssssst, *waves pinky in the air* *blows an air kiss* *winks*
And fuck you, im not crazy.

SOPHIASOPHIASOPHIA

Playing dress-up!

Introducing Ahmad Haziq, born on 30th December 2008. Welcome nak, imma teach you how to smoke pot when you turn 12. =D I bet you'll so look up to me. HAHA. Cos im that cool. Oh you bet mothafuckas.

Gimme some love, 2009 !

2009-01-02T05:13:00.000-08:00

I am in serious need of love.
Love as in jobs, money, freedom, clothes, license and a hothothot bf.
I know, you might be thinking hah too much.
I dont care. I need to spice up my life.
2008 has been pretty bleargh.
But nonetheless, ive made some pretty amazing friends, kissed some delisch lips and went for some really gore-worthy, blood-sucking and throat-slashing dates.
I need some walks by the beach, holding of hands, kissing of palms and staring of eyes.
Ill prolly save them for 2009, theres still 11 mnths to go.
6kgs to lose, extensions to the hair and vavavoom clothes, and im set.
Set for the year, set to make a mark for myself.
Im sick of basking in the shadows, giving up before i even try and feeling suicidal after some people-watching at town.
Its time to stop wanting to be someone else, and just be myself.
2009 also means having to let go some of my male BFFs to the national service.
2 yrs sluts, those man-whores would be out sooner than i'd imagined. =D IMY !
What else is there in store for me...
Ahh, to erase selected memories of certain people, certain occasions.
Getting tipsy has their consequences obviously.
But one memory id never erase, cos i wouldnt be able to anyways, is locking lips under the moonlight with our drunk friend. HAHA LOL. Nice.
Oh yeah, I asked Fareed what he liked about himself, and he gave me a dozen of reasons.
When he asked me reciprocately, i was lost for words and i was disgusted with myself for that.
There has got to be something...
Funny ? Nice ?
Two words i truly deserve.
FUCKING PATHETIC.
My god, what have i become ?
Im too succumbed in this current tidal wave that has befallen upon me and i am struggling to stay afloat. Really, really struggling.
I need to love myself more, thats for a fact.
When i said i see no point in breathing after what happened between us, someone should have shot me in the guts.
Life is so much much much more than that.
Oh oh, i would never let anyone take advantage of me.
Ive been made a fool quite too often in 2008, it made me sick.
People kinda call them sons of bitches ? Familiar with those ?
I wanna start anew, with everything.
Its about time mothafuckas. Lick my sole.

New Years Eve at Azzucar with what i treasure most in the world, the thunderbolts, electric pulses that keep me alive. FRIENDS! =D
Peektures after the jump.

The boy who shines.

Werewolves come as a pack.

Girls just wanna have fun.

Friends till 40.

Happy new year bitches. Be merry, dont fret. Not even at the slightest thing. =D Ily!

Superhuman, fucked really hard.

2008-12-29T04:29:00.000-08:00

Its not a bird, not a plane.

Its my heart, and its going gone away.

My only weakness is you, only reason is you, every minute with you i feel like i can do anything.

Every time i hear this part, flashbacks to those period of time.

Regrets and lust entwined together.

Like it matters now, *grits teeth*.

Job-hunt with my cousin was sweet.

Often misjudged, my heart would always go soft for her.

Maybe cos i love her mother alot.

And i felt like it is my duty and responsibilty to love and care for her like how her mother would if she were still living today.

I love you, Noi. Always. And im here whenever, for you.

Oh we went Tanglin Mall for one of my interviews, and what a surprise !

It was snowing,

NOT. Lol.

Fake snow, like how everywhere else is fake.

Living it up to its reputation.

After job hunting, Noi waited for her BFF to finish work and so i zoomed off with Fareed.

Rode to City Hall, sat in the drizzle, puffed and talked.

As usual. Whats new aye...

So bitches, whats your new year resolution?

As for me, im entering the 20s zone, which is bittersweet for me.

Im a full grown adult now, i wanna lose weight, find an Edward/Landon and get a stable job by 2010.

And ultimate wish is for my mum to fully recover. Insyallah. =D

Peektures after the jump.

Cousin and I.

Told ya it was snowing.

Jubilant kids and their first time with fake snow.

Bye now, ill see you in 2009.

Merry merry holidays.

2008-12-23T08:02:00.000-08:00

Happy xmas sluts.

Town is packed like a damn tin of sardine just like years before.

Only this time, people are more stylish, presents costlier.

The atmosphere was pretty decent, considering i dont celebrate Xmas.

Its kinda hard for me to embrace the Xmas spirit, its too merry.

Okay, that doesnt really make sense.

I dont know whether i should head down to Home in Xmas for d parteh.

Sounds fun, the code thats going on and shiz, but idk yeh.

Oh i was on a job hunt just now with Fareed. =D

Thanks for coming down and sharing the paisey-ness with me best buddyforshizzle. Lol.

And mum was really sweet, she texted"Are u along searching for a job ? My baby, ma really sad see you struggling to get a job ! I will pray for you okay. "

That just made my day, just to knw she cares as much as i do for her, it just proves a mum's worth.

These few days, ive been really emotional coming to terms with her condition.

I just thank god shes getting better, and a day that comes along, i just feel blessed to have her around, staying strong for me. And my sis that is.

I love you, and god knows how much.

Broke in various.

2008-12-22T03:59:00.000-08:00

Im so broke, financially and emotionally.

Last Saturday wasnt too keen on me.

Apart from the random kbox session and night safari trail along Geylang, everything else was shit.

Firstly, Nabil's sister wedding was like a trip down TKGS seniors lane.

Saw a couple of my seniors there, all dressed up, looking matured and smart.

I-just-graduated-from-NUS-beat-that-motherfuckers-and-i-have-a-damn-future unlike the rest of you. Gees.

After, we were just discussing of how to spend the rest of the day, and so Man suggested karaoke. Oh how fun.

Considering how the boys conquered the 2 mics, fuck i wasted my 4 bucks.

As 2 hours of screaming and out-of-tune singings, we headed out to Geylang lol.

Hand in hand, with the boys guarding Syaz and me, we strolled down the infamous lorongs.

We were flabbergasted by the sights we had to endure.

Okay maybe some of the girls were really hot, but thats not the point here.

Just by looking at their faces, I cant help but to wonder what these girls were thinking standing there in a bra and a micro mini. Wow.

And yeah, some of the guys were groped and punched in the tummy. LOL Faris.

But like yeah, whatever.

After that, called Kkay, Ray and Ayu, were supposed to go clubbing but Kay had no moolah, so we planned to go chill at Ray's place instead.

12 midnight, Kay, me and Syaz were sitting at Simei Mrt, waiting for that 1 call from Ray.

Believe it or not, he didnt call nor pick up any of our calls till like 1.30am.

So we were stranded, with nowhere to go, it was like the worst ton ever.

The rest of the night was like spent with strangers =)

Pics after the jump.

D wedding. =)

Yes, thats Haikal singing.

The girls.

Again. Only with Boon Chai at the corner.

Rizal ohlala.

Me and Kkay at 520am.

Oh me and my baby Sophia. =)

Oh and i just wanna add, i wish the best to them.

God bless.

Ive been a turd.

Sparks that turned into magic.

2008-12-17T11:49:00.000-08:00

Love is supposed to be magical, as potrayed in some movies.

But is there really such a thing ?

Ive just finished watching A Walk to Remember, and it killed me.

I fucking cried at 4am.

And then i was thinking.

Omg, Shane West would have made a hotter Edward Cullen.

Twilight, then this movie, wtf man.

It actually made me repel towards love.

Cos i know such love doesnt really exist.

Or maybe im wrong.

Okay maybe im a bit biased. HAHA.

I cant help it can i ?

Cute actors sealed it.

Howww to find angelic romantic good-looking guys in Spore ?

You tell me.

One could only hope for such love.

Melt fats, melt.

2008-12-10T09:52:00.000-08:00

Went to SIA clubhouse just now.

With them little brats, Hilmi and Hilda.

I dare say im pretty satisfied with my workout. =D

All hail treadmills and whatever those machines are called.

God knows.

Am supposed to meet Ami just now. Damn him for losing his cell.

Called his house just to hear his mum yell "Dier belom baleeeekkk! Satu hari tak balek !"

Chill ah makcik. Gees.

Its 2am now, 5 hours of sleep has made me woozy.

Get online bitches.

Entertain me.

Swagga like us is so awesome, its on repeat on Itunes.

Karma.

2008-12-06T07:55:00.000-08:00

What goes around, comes around.

In all kinds of means and forms.

Im not liking what im going through.

Not one single bit.

My voice wavers whenever i speak.

My eyes hurt from the sleepless nights.

Ive looked forward to this day.

Like how a girl would look forward to blowing a candle on her birthday.

Just look at the concentration of pure joy and estaticsm potrayed by that kid.

Her grin, her hands clapping and all those screams of happiness.

Oh how loved she must have felt.

Anyways, good things come in small packages, in small doses.

Its meant for you to savour while it lasts.

You were sad.

I wanted to give u a hug.

Seeing you sad fucked me up, a little.

Why is that ?

Why is that i care for you so much ?

I yelled to myself to stop all this bullshit which i know im causing it to my ownself.

Im scarring my own heart, with my own hands.

You were never to blame, i took it too far, i was in too deep.

Maybe because i was never used to all these, joy rides and shit.

Initially, i was pretty damn sure i could suppress all these when i decided to pull you closer.

But i was fucked right in my face.

I dare say i couldnt.

You were a force so strong, you swept me right off my feet but failed to bring me back to the ground.

Thats exactly how i feel right now.

Funny thing is that, im fully aware of your current status, Syaz's advice and even im friends with your **.

But my heart still wouldnt be content in just going back to what we are supposed to be.

Maybe i should start changing.

Cos this is getting ridiculous.

Well pictures after the jump.

Sean Faris da PIMP. =D

Faggots.=D

Knowles and Ems =D

Macam faham. =X

Anesthesia

2008-12-02T09:24:00.000-08:00

There isnt a day that passes without you bursting my brain cells.

And everytime i look at that full length mirror, that crave just builds up even more.

Each time i look back, regret just fills up the air spaces between my heart.

Every night, i lift up my hands and pray.

To be...

Fareed is willing to be my PI.

Which i thought was brilliant considering i need hard evidence to finally have a chance to fuck him off.

He's not making the kids nor wife happy, so tell me whats his purpose in this house again ?

Pay the bills ? Even i can manage that.

God damn it.

Wishful thinking.

2008-11-28T20:51:00.000-08:00

You're the reason why im thinking.

You were my sinful indulgence, and each time i get to savour it, i want more.

What i need right now is a tub of Ben&Jerrys.

I dont like what i saw yesterday night.

Tina was right, it killed me.

My heart squealed out of pain, in utter silence for sure.

I couldnt confess to anyone because its wrong.

Im fully aware that my actions/feelings are my mistakes caused by my sub-concious mind.

I just wished this sinful double-choc caramel fudge would just leave me, for good.

Before it gets out of hand.

Taste of cherry chopstick.

2008-11-23T02:34:00.000-08:00

Oh my God.

Just what did i get myself into?

Met Ewan yest, after a mnth or so.

It went so horribly wrong, i felt betrayed by my ownself.

I allowed myself to indulge into his potrayal of fun.

But i was backfired. It was worse than watching Cast Away on a saturday night.

There goes my precious Saturday.

I called Fareed, but he had other plans past midnight.

& oh DILFS who sell Nike shoes are to die for.

Life has been pretty gloomy for me.

I need a getaway. From everything.

I have no intentions of running away from the problems im facing now...

Its just a break.

A break from home.

Home home home.

Lemme ask a normal teenager, whos pretty damn happy with her parents, what its like to go home or stay home the whole day ?

Well, i can bet the answer would be "Oh pretty darn normal, i have my own room, i play the net like the whole day...my parents would just mind their own business."

Sometimes i do wish my dad would just let me be me.

I mean i know those skeletons in his damn closet.

Im just sick. Sick to my stomach.

I feel trapped.

Its my life.

My perogative.

Im turning 21 next year for fucks sake.

& oh Djamel is omghot.

Sober.

2008-11-17T06:34:00.000-08:00

Im safe.

Im high.

Nothing can touch me.

So many things i keep hidden within these aeortas of my tar-ish heart.

Im just afraid of the consequences once i let them dogs out.

"There's only 1 thing 2 do, 3 words 4 you."

Like seriously i should stop having unhealthy infactuations. It kills me whenever i have these unhealthy bugs infecting me. It caused me to have sleepless nights, butterflies in my tummy and uncontrollable depressions whenever hes not there for my eyes to savour. Im sorry to whoever that i ignored, screamed at and cursed. Cant help it bitches, imma slut.

Like for example, I like this guy ive met at work at the mo. Hes not handsome nor smart. But i have like a serious major crush on him. Why ? Cos he seems FUN. Ive discovered something im not so proud of myself. Im into fun now. Which is so wrong. Maybe im going through some metamorphosis or smtg. Cos this is not who i used to be.

And to you;

Whatever we are having right now, even if its a transparent knot tied in between our genitals, im loving it. Cos i simply adore you. As simple as that. I know i cant meet you as often as i would love, those sweetcherry olives memories keeps me going. Oh fun-o-fun, please come again. Except now, without strangers. :)

Imma stay for a little while longer.

2008-11-01T23:30:00.000-07:00

Life's been crazy lately.

Busted my feet at Zouk, ambulance came, and god you dont even wanna know the rest.

But other than that, its the love dept that has been shit.

I kinda realised i get bored easily, which is pretty damn bad.

So i kissed him gdbye and wished him the best of luck in his damn future.

He cursed for awhile, but its all gd in the end.

Like i give a flying fuck.

Haha, hmm i love doing unpredictable things.

I shall not go into details, but the rush is addictive.

Sometimes i thank whoever created the idea of "whatever happens there, stays there."

Woot.

Lets just say i need that kinda thinking once in awhile now. :)

Pictures later.

Sexy girls.

2008-10-03T10:30:00.000-07:00

Id wait.

But then again, maybe not.

It irritates the shit out of me whenver i think about wht you said.

Hey, im not going to let that dampen my spirits nor affect the nature of my life.

Hari Raya was awesome.

Ive got to meet up all my beautiful and hothot cousins of mine.

As years pass, our ages go higher and i must say, so do the prices of them baju kurongs.

Mine and my cousin's cost a total of 1000 plus already.

Haha, but its worth it, both are awesome.

The remarkable day was filled with laughter, food binging, endless phototaking and of course moneychianmoola. :)

All them kuih and dishes sure didnt help with my weight issue. BAH.

Anyways, on a lighter note, here are the pics after the jump.

Well thats about all that im willing to share. HAHA.

The rest are kinda private cos they are either ugly or too prasan-ing.

Deleted from my brain space.

2008-09-29T06:58:00.000-07:00

Officially, im singular, literally.

It was an awfully silly, childish and awkward bitter argument.

It started off yesterday, and it dragged till today, cos i couldnt resist giving that much-needed-maturity boy a piece of my mind.

Well, i dont wanna come off as mean, but hell, i think half the smses i sent were not comprehended.

So here i am.

Moving along the express train...to nowhere, really.

Well, at least im smiling, goddamnit.

Its a day away from Hari Raya, and its bittersweet for me.

I cant wait to meet all the tremendously missed cousins and aunts.

Of course not forgetting those whom has passed on to be with Him.

You will always forever remain in my heart and those sweetcherry memories shall live on.

To be quite honest, im abit dumbfounded.

I cant really think sanely right now, apart from the tiny cracks on the heart.

I shall head on to Nippon Paint and get those paint that could cover hairline cracks and shit.

Laugh with me, damn it.

To those whose wise enough to tell me to get on with my yayahood, thank you so much.

It means alot to me. :)

Its back to unplanned car trips to parks and doodling on random chests. Lalala.

Im going to rock my yayahood and you told me to prove it to you ?

Monseuir, i am. You just have to wait.

Seriously if i were to tell anyone about you, they'd laugh at my face.

I am Emma, mtf.

I cant tolerate that, hell no.

Ive got a golden pusseh to take care of.

HAHA, having said that, i feel so so much better.

Thank you.

Set me free.

2008-09-28T01:47:00.000-07:00

SOAB.

Ahh, feels good to finally execute a little retail therapy.

Badly needed, considering the last one was like a month ago.

Hand in hand with sis and mom, us trio ran to Tampines Mall.

Bought clothes for the little Hilman and myself DUH.

Wanted to buy this flowery dress from MNG, but fuck its like 90SGD, and mom said it looks as if the colours ran out.

So im like alright fuckkit, lets go somewhere esle.

Came across these super cute tops and dresses at Miss Emily which are to die for.

And so i bought a dress and a top which set me back like a 100bucks, but its worth it. =)

Oh yes, i need hair extensions. Its either that or im chopping off like a half length of my hair.

I seriously dont know what else to do with it, it sucks so bad. Yes. thaaat bad.

Oh yes, Murgs pahtee yest was funfunfun.

Oh yesyesyes, finally i met up with my boys !

Did things which i totally didnt expect at all. LOLs.

Oh wells, like they say, you tend to get carried away whenever theres booze and great friends. :)

Ohfuckyou Murg, you lost so much weight ! Look so ravishing now lols. :)

Doubts fills the air space in my brain.

2008-09-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

Im really starting to question my doubts.

My mom triggered it. Damn, thank you mom.

I stayed home the whole day with the beloved.

She was telling me the yays and nays of relationships.

I was quite taken aback.

So here i am, thinking that i might just have found the one.

Seriously, thats fucking dumb.

Honestly, hes just one of those rides at the amusement parks.

Cos on the other hand, i dont really think he, as a 20 yr old, is serious about this anyways.

So no loss here.

I do like him, but not in that way like like-like, you know. LOLS.

Im meeting my girls tmr for buker. Thats gonna me a breath of fresh air.

I need a breather in my freaking life.

Mundane damn it, its been so mundane.

TRACE TRACE TRACE <333

55 by the end of the year.

5 for me and 5 for you Mr Md Fareed.

WOOT. Cant wait lah seyy. :D

Green light.

2008-09-22T11:47:00.000-07:00

Gimme the green light.

Im so ready to go right now.

Last saturday was a big lol.

Both of us broke, he got pissed cos of my indecisiveness, and i got mad at him for getting pissed at me.

In the end, after breaking fast at Macs, we decided to walk all the way to Dhoby from CtHall.

We caught 'Mirrors' at The Cathay. It was quite shitty to be honest.

It was so obvious he got bored with the plot, and i got pretty sleepy.

We barely touched the popcorn, but due to our insatiable thirst, we finished the large-sized F&N Grape.

Haha, fucking hell my nose was having a freaking party in the cinema i swear.

I couldnt stop sneezing and he couldnt stop fidgeting.

Omg, it was so irritating.

By far, the worst cinema experience ever.

His bald head feels like freshly shaven satin cloth.

Just freaking imagine that lah okay, be creative people. :D

IMYYYALREADYWTFREALLY.

Oh btw, my boob surgery went prettay smoothly.

Im fine. Just that it still hurt a weeny bit.

OMG GEES, i had a prettay wild wild wet dream last night.

Oh shut up Hema. IMYWOMAN. :)

You;d better turn up at Murg's bash this Sat plsplspls.

I terribly miss our thrashy midnight dose of horny chats.

Fly me to the moon.

2008-09-17T03:14:00.000-07:00

Im going for a mini surgery tomorrow, and im pretty skeptical about it.

Dont ask my why, cos im just going to answer "its a girls thing".

So dont bother.

I watched Oprah's Big Give on tv the other night, and i cried thrice in an hour.

Human beings are amazing and truly diversed.

Someone could be so gold-hearted and angelic in her spirits, and the person standing next to her could be so heartless and torturous.

Sigh.

Quite honestly, i dont know which category imma fall under.

But fuck, obviously i dont have a heart of some murderer lah okay.

Oh inpromtu movies are so bloody fun imma do it every weekend and pretend we didnt even plan it at all. :D

But it burns a hole in my pocket everytime i pay for it. OMGZ its like 10 bucks per tix ! :(

Eh muddCD, you're missed and i cant wait for Saturday! :)

Wish me well, people of hell.

Its always nice to know you mean alot to a certain someone.

Makes life worth living, makes me smile at everyone, even to the ahpek crossing the road now.

Designer drugs, designer friends.

2008-09-08T08:43:00.000-07:00

Hey.

Night Safari with him was enlightening.

Pussycats in the dark never fails to captivate me. :)

Some pictures during the jump.

Oh dont mind the quality, my camera's having a bitch fit.

He's bald now, and soon, he'll be battling fires.

So people, if ur house or whatever that might just catch fire, dont hesitate to call 995.

He'll be running in those hot fireman uniform and you can just orgasm, watching them sacrificing their lives, holding on to that water hose tight, shooting water at all the right places. HEHE.

O lala. I'll miss him fo sure.

Buker just now sucked though.

I just found out one of my blind side traits.

Im a very,very, very jealous girl.

Oh girls, be afraid.

*grins*

Get over it.

2008-08-31T12:05:00.000-07:00

Im not in love anymore.

The feeling has changed.

Yay, im happy.

Somehow.

Ive just saved myself from future heartaches and scars on wrists.

Oh barack obama, you should be so pleased with me.

Be proud of me, mama of sun.

And you monseuir, deserves a better girl.

Hotter, much much hotter, and hotter.

I hope she turns out to be a hot sonofabitch who would eat you alive.
Whatever it may be, ill try my best to smile for you. :)

Ive done my part, now its time you do yours.

The smell of rotting cherry.

2008-08-28T08:14:00.000-07:00

It was a bad, bad, fuckingly bad joke.

He thought it was funny.

Certainly i didnt think so.

In the end, he benefitted from it.

SOAB.

He's not ready.

Honestly, i dont even know what to do anymore.

At sucha tender age of 20, real love seems fiction.

Maybe i should just carry on having fun, and keep him at bay.

Everything i need to know is pretty much laid out for me, its now up to me.

A part of me is crushed, a part of me still holds on to that lit candle.

I pretty much realised Ive been a bit stupid.

But imma be okay.

He is just a boy.
"Lets promise ourselves to be single okay ?"

Agent Sophie Neveu, please decipher that for me ? 0_o

Viva la Vivo.

2008-08-24T03:54:00.000-07:00

Saturdays are always good.

The most awesome day of the week.

This week, it was a bit different.

Usually it'll be spent with Syaz&co, but this week i went for the quieter getaway.

& Vivo it was. :D

Dinner, Zara and Mini Toons.

It was pouring so bad, but getting drenched didnt even get to me a bit.

He made it all worth it.

But phuck, im sick now.

Thunder across my heart.

2008-08-22T08:45:00.000-07:00

He's always hungry.

He never orders his own food at fast food chains.

Random squeaks. The way he screams to screamo songs.

HAHA, even if the lyrics dont match.

Your eyes was the soundtrack of my summer, unlike any other.

You'll always be my thunder, so bring on the rain baby.

I got fucked at the feet just now at work.

Holy fuck the fucking pallet jack scraped the behind of my feet.

The pain, it felt like someone stabbed my sole, seriously.

It freaking diffused through my whole body, and when it reached my brain, i kinda went nauseous.

Honestly, i cannot cannot cannot stand the sight of blood nor wounds.

I was tearing so bad, i felt so embarassed.

Im just scared of pain lah okay. It hurts a fuckload.

I cant even take a bath like a sane bitch.

Gosh, life as a crippled is hard sluts.

So be nice.

Paparazzi.

2008-08-19T10:01:00.001-07:00

Should i just give up ?

Dinner 6 hours ago was sweet.

That picture of us is so magical.

It just so happen im your biggest fan.

Loving you is as sweet as cherrypie.

Imma dance and drink in your studio.

I wanna have fun.

I'll follow you. Wherever. Whenever.

Even if you dont do those stuffs, twat.

Aww, you're mah loosah. :)

Oh please.

I still havent submitted the form for the grad ceremony.

Due in like fucking 2 days. And ive got work.

School's like at the other end of Sg.

Mother of hell, i wanna skip work tmr.

Its killing the last thread of tolerance i have towards boredom.

I so need a pump of PABAVOOMBAMBAM in my life.

Right now. Cmon. Dont be shy, baby.

Love shits in your face sometimes.

2008-08-18T07:43:00.001-07:00

Love is truly, truly amazing.

It can fucking turn its prosterior in your face and blasts a loud stinking fart in your face.

And all you can do is to stop inhaling and curse.

Its still early, but already i can feel im stopping myself from inhaling a couple of times.

Can someone please tell me how you tell if the guy is really in love with you ?

Fuck that.

Anyways, im so having a major crush on some girl.

Its like how i felt back in those days.

Shes super cute, adorable, funny and cute. And cute.

Did i just mention cute 3 times ?

Sigh, guess i did.

Hmm, if only. =)

Everytime i look at you.

I see something new.

It takes me higher than before.

Wild and pumping.

2008-08-14T04:14:00.000-07:00

Ive been hanging out with sis's brady bunch pretty much lately.

Practically every week.

It kinda boils down to the ultimate reason why.

THEY ARE THE SHIT YA'LL.

Funny as hell they can fucking amuse 37 people at once.

They just know how to have fun, maybe thats it.

I need people like them. HAHA.

Considering i didnt have a chance to be in a mixed secondary school, having crazy-ass kick-ass boys like them in my class, bending all possible existent rules, proving that they can get away with anything.

Trust me, most of the time, these boys sure know how to get away with fucked-up shit.

Zagazaa, i love them. =)

Le sigh.

Work just makes me sigh. Alot.

If not for SkinnyS, i wouldnt even survive one whole day there.

The drivers are totally getting on my last sensor nerve, Brahim is fucking annoying (in a serious way), Chinaman made me cry, and my job, is making me braindead.

If not for the pay, i would have planned my great escape.

The insults have become intolerable.

But hahaha, I have no shame in showing a chain of my thoughts sometime.

They deserve it. Fucking sons of sluts.

SkinnyS, you make me mad at times.

I dont like being clueless.

Its not fun at ALL.

Random peektures from the recent jumps.

Syaz, if not for my sister we would've not met.

Fate babe, fate. <3

Just like rolex.

2008-08-13T07:24:00.000-07:00

From the start.

I just knew it.

Your baggy jeans.

Your skinny bod.

Your pure bliss mini goatee.

Just sitting next to you pops goosebumps.

Take 3.

Its a new chapter ya'll.

We are going on a ride of our lives.

Fasten your seatbelts.

Hello there new guy.

2008-07-31T06:04:00.001-07:00

Haha.

& so i find the new guy at work really cute.

Skinny, tall and he has pretty decent features.

Baddaaa badddaaa tatttamm.

Fights at work are lovely.

Ah Sheng Controller VS Ah Pek security guard.

But seriously, the security guard is damn irritating.

Every morning, before he gives me the pass, he'll say this exact sentence with the fucking grin on his face.

"(while giggling)Girrrrl, sorry ahh, i have to look at you from head to toe now, especially your shoes, if not kena scold later by the manager..."

OMG I GET IT YOU CHIBAI AHPEK. nabei teng.

There is really no need for you to repeat every fucking morning.

I really hope just now's problem can get him sacked or at least transferred.

You know sometimes when someone you like/really like as a friend kinda say things that really corrodes your heart, you kinda like instantly shuts off, then run to the nearest toilet and think.

Think about whatever he said and analyse to what level of truth his judgement is.

Or simply whether he really means it or not.

And then when both of you are alone, you kinda ask him about it, he'll be like "Can u stop taking things to heart ?"

Well, just to let you know, how is that ever possible when i think the world of you ?

Btw, happy birthday to me.

20 years of living.

Cheers to 8731 more to come.

& to all of you who took the time and effort to wish me, thank you.

May all the love that this corrupted world has to offer be with you.

I love you guys. Really i do.

Special thanks to Fee for singing the birthday song!

That was like the sweetest wish lah. HAHA.

& fareed thanks for the Dark Knight.

OMG DARK KNIGHT IS BY FAR THE RADDEST MOVIE IVE EVER WATCHED.

No time for regrets.

2008-07-29T06:01:00.001-07:00

Birthday tomorrow.

Somehow, im really over birthdays.

Im turning 20, like so fucking what.

Well, of course im grateful towards God for the life that He has given me.

Alhamdulilah. =)

What im saying is that, ive yet to embark on my life.

I feel sick whenever i think about it.

To all you suckas out there, you can suck on your cat's tits for all i care.

Oh, ive realised im addicted to 18+ yr olds.

They are so much more fun than you expect.

Like cherry coated heart-shaped candies.

Im kinda sick of losers.

If you;re a loser, imma just say it to your face.

Mtfz.

I'll see you in hell, baby.

2008-07-27T07:48:00.000-07:00

Hey baby.

Why oh why do you guys love letting me go through this ?

It aches. A lot.

And oh btw, its really not that fun after all.

It actually feels oh so dirrty.
And to conclude everything, you're a piece of thrash.

Hmm, kinda sad aint it.

Well, i guess you've gotta live with it.

Whether you like it or NOT.

Electrifying.

2008-07-24T04:51:00.000-07:00

Being tangled sucks. Big balls.

I like and hate him at the same time.

He's yummy, thats one, and oh i found out he lies too.

Pretty fucked, I can say.

All over you.

2008-07-20T04:26:00.000-07:00

You're despicable.

"Im not ready for a relationship. You alright with that ?"

After everything.

Those words could have knocked me out, not for my strong heart.

What a motherfucking-cocksucking-cumlicking cunthead.

Im pissed. Terribly disappointed.

I should've known.

I would dare say it was kinda unexpected.

Things rarely go your way, don't they ?

Id just take this in my stride and life goes on.

Pure asshole at its best, lusty son of a bitch.

Taking advantage is your forte i see.

Well, i hope you'd get a taste of sweet tangy revenge sooner or later.

Its just unfortunate I see you at work everyday.

Cos I'd shoot you at your doorstep and throw your dead body into the Pacific for the Great Whites to devour.

Bitch.

To be struck.

2008-07-15T04:34:00.000-07:00

& so false news.

It was Bahi;s mom who passed away, not his brother.

Gosh, news like this also can get mixed up. wtf.

I miss Bahi and his nonsense already.

And wooheehee he;s coming back tmr ! =)

But i dont think i'll be expecting the same Bahi to appear at work tmr.

Was supposed to pluck out my wisdom tooth yest.

But my ass is too scared.

& so i just have to live with the pain.

Thank god, the pain has decrease.

Im able to eat, laugh, shout and swallow saliva as per normal.

Yay me. I know.

I think today was the longest time i spent with Zilch at TI.

Usually, he'll come back, pass me his documents and drive off for his 2nd trip.

But today was different.

Came back at 11.50am, talked till 12.45pm. Jyeaheeheee.

It was raining like so heavily at like 5pm.

He couldnt go off cos he;s like riding.

So we waited till like 6pm.

Then Yong had to go Ghim Moh to his gf's hse.

I was like "SHIT". Act only ah.

"OMG LAH its like raining. Then how Zilch wanna send me home !"

I was screaming.

Sheng was like "Aiyah go home only lah...noone can send you mah chibai ninabuey!"

I smiled. :):):):)

Chibai, was wearing his helmet all, then suddenly Sheng's lorry was honking.

Sheng was like signally at me to run, and that he;s sending me home. WTFFFF.

Moral of the story, dont get too happy too early bitches, you'll never know what'll hapen next.

&& omg the "Scratch & Play" is soo fuckingly addictive.

I swear if i had enough money, i;d have bought 50 bucks worth of tickets and scratch all.

If you have no idea wtf is "Scratch & Play", go scratch your chibai/lanjiao.

Go Singapore Pools and ask the Aunty.

Fuck the heart.

2008-07-09T04:48:00.000-07:00

Zilch just asked me out.

Its like freaking 8pm.

By the time i go out, what time come back sia.

And hahaha, Zilch didnt ride to work today.

XF fetched him cos it was raining terribly.

Coincidentally, Yong was on leave today so that leaves Man to send me and Zilch home.

Poor fella, the torch has been passed down to him from Bahi to send asses home.

But not for long Man, dont sweat.

What total manwhores these dickheads are.

I was just telling them about this drunken girl, who happens to be a friend, been fucked by 2 guys in the park.

And a video came out of that malicious act.

Both were like "OMG WHERE THE FUCK IS THE VIDEOO!"

Im like cmon lah, shes my friend for the love of mother and child ! Gees.

They could even continue, "Eh ema, why u never tell us u got this kind of friend one!"

OH MY GOD.

Can i knock my head against the spiked fences ?

Sean Faris.

2008-07-08T06:20:00.000-07:00

I was doodling at work just now.

And suddenly the thought of cute names flashed through.

Like what would i name my son/daughter ? HAHA.

Alright alright, if its a son, Sean Faris.

If its a vagina, Id name her Adrianna Farisha.

Dang. Now i feel like giving birth already.

Anyways.

Zilch went to A&E just now for a much needed x-ray of his lungs.

I really hope everything is okay. =/

& so obviously he didnt turn up for work just now. Sigh.

ANDD OMGG.

I dont know what might have happened to Bahi's brain, maybe lightning stroke his bike or smtg.

He came to work today with dirty blonde streaks on his whole head.

I was like WTF. Seriously. Its hideous.

Now its appropriate. MUDD REPP.

So sad. I kinda miss his old jet black hair already.

I hope he'll wake up to his senses and realise how fugly the blonde streaks looks on him.

Look in your mirror Bahi and smash it. That'll work i guess.

God bless you, son.

I need a 'session' immediately to get over ETHAN.

Alex.

2008-07-07T06:55:00.000-07:00

Just him alone could make me smile and cry.

I never really gotten over his voice, his comfort, his jokes.

He was different from the rest.

His character was colourful, heart like cherry pie and voice like sweet hummings of birds.

There were nights when he couldnt call, and i'd not sleep.

Id open my eyes, mind set thinking to what he might be doing.

It was like as if the night isnt complete, like there is something i missed on my shopping list.

Pull a card baby, and it turned out to be a Joker.

It was a big damn joke.

But i did fall in love.

It felt real.

The only reason was cos i was blinded.

There was never an 'us' in the first place.

How could i be so foolish ?

It hurts the fuck out of me.

My first cheena love.

So-called love.

or maybe more of a dagger piercing through your vagina.

Naked taitee.

2008-07-02T06:02:00.000-07:00

And so Dennis seriousy resigned.

That really explained why everyone has been so moody this past weeks.

They know Dennis might be quitting and yet noone told me a jizz of it. Thanks ah eh.

Anyways, i wore slippers to work today.

As usual, like how it is for the past 1 yr.

But just now had a fucken twist to it.

I was in the middle of doing my work, but i needed to go outside to check some PODs.

The security guard stopped me and told me i needed to change my slippers into boots.

And so i just replied, "oh okay, yeah ill do it tmr." and proceeded to enter the warehouse.

Then he called his supervisor and stopped me. I cursed.

Apparently, his sup has decided not to allow me in unless i wear boots like right then.

Like where in the hairyness of his butt cheeks am i supposed to find boots ?

I was already screaming "WHAT THE FUCKKKK".

In the end, i didnt complete my work, i sat outside till the clock strikes 530.

It was so utterly ridiculous. Fucking security guards.

Closer by Neyo is so sexy, its near orgasmic.

Talking about orgasms, i massaged Zilch.

LOL.

Okay maybe orgasm is too strong of a word.

My bad.

Closer.

2008-07-01T05:05:00.000-07:00

Just discovered that Dennis is no longer my in-charge.

Some new guy came in today, Raymond.

Looks pretty okay, bald.Hes pretty laid-back, he laughed at the lame DJ's jokes on radio for fucks sake. HAHA.

And i thought Aszmi is back from his reservice today.
But NOOOO. Hes only back like on this Friday. Bummer.

And fucking assholes today...hmm lemme recall whats the daily dose of "DisturbiaEmma" for today.

Oh oh i remember now.

I sort of wore a green dress just now and its kinda see-through.

Ah yong just had to say "Eh ema, you wearing black today right?"

I shrieked cos i didnt know it was that see-through.

Somehow i screamed "Eh i wear today ok!"

Bahi as usual just had to add on "OMGGG EMA IS WEARING UNDIES TODAYYY.

THAT MEANS THE OTHERS DAYS ALL SHE NEVER WEARRR!!"

Millions exclamation marks thank you.

Motherfuckers.

&ohyeahZilchsentmehome:)

holding on to his fleshy waist is the sex.

&&&&chalet with the prettyheads this friday!YAY!

MAKAN.

2008-06-29T09:46:00.000-07:00

The gang met at Newton Circus for some seafood fest.

HemaWhore needed to satisfy her crave for lobster.

But LOL she got scared by the "100gm $6".

What a total asshole.

There goes the lobsters.

Anyways, me and Whore ended up sharing a plate of white carrot cake.

The rest had like seafood and shit like gong gong.

Like WTF is gong gong !? Ergh.

It sure is fun when the whole gang gathers. Miss them lots. =)

And to top the cherry on the sundae was RAYYAN!

Thank god he could book out in time to join us ! =)

Pics from the Newton jump.

Everyone.

Everyone again.

Pinky and the Brain.

Adek and abang.

Brothers till 40.

The reason for my expression was that Plai tickled me.

Aww.

Hunks are bull.

2008-06-26T06:33:00.000-07:00

Work was total shit.

Like seriously.

Its quarter mnth end now, and so everyone is busy and that would mean they'd get frustrated more easily.

And that suck for me cos whenever i turn to Bahi or Yong for an answer, they would just answer "Fuck off" or "You're so irritating/stupid lah Emma !"

Plus, i think just now Bahi is bleeding from his cock cos he was obviously PMS-ing.

I dont know.

Part of me says go search for another job but part of me still wants to stay.

Gees. Oh wells, let time take its path.

Anyways.

Zilch sent me home just now.

Mom called like a quarter to 530 and i was like SHIT.

She wanted to fetch me from work, of all days.

But ive already like asked Zilch to send me cos Yong wanted to go drinking with the others.

Happy already lah, then parents just had to call and ask wanna fetch or not. WALAO.

But i told them i'd be late cos lots of work.

530, vroom vroom.

545, reached home. Mom just reached home too.

"Gatal eh kau, tadi kan aku nk amek ! Saper antar kau !"

I just gave a grin. CMON MOTHER. UNDERSTAND UNDERSTOOD LAH.

Gathering tmr at Newton.

On a fucking Friday.

I dont know whether i wanna go.

Hema The Slut will be there. Sam the Saint's gonna be there too.

My 2 favourite people. =)

I dont think Ray can make it.

Havent called Kay. (Im still scared to call him cos of what happened that night.)

Dont know if hes like super mad at me for pangsey-ing him. Shit lah.

I was sleeping like a dead pig already.

SPAIN VS RUSSIA TONIGHT.

Okay pls at least let Spain through.

Since Portugal and Turkey are all out already.

If not, im not watching the finals "EURO2008" !

You're losing one loyal and valuable supporter already "EURO2008" !

Sexy ? Really ? For shit nuts ?

2008-06-24T07:39:00.000-07:00

Haha.

What a day today.

Brought my new phone to work today.

Everyone was like "Yah lah emma, show off lah...u want me to publish on the newpaper not..."

Chibai.

Anyways, Ah Yong and Bahi were at my last nerve just now.

Fucking hell, they were provoking the fuck out of me the whole fucking time.

Guess they were that bored.

But never mind. Thank god ive got a high level of tolerency.

Triple H and Ah Sng LOLOL.

Hmm, but what happened after work got my heart racing.

"Eh you looked really sexy just now."

OMFA. WTF really. HAHAHAHA.

Thanks Zilch, u just made my day. (:

Double grooms, double brides.

2008-06-22T08:31:00.000-07:00

Weddings galore.

Rad's brother and sister both got married on the same day.

Double Happiness. =)

Coolsome.

Nursi and Shikin actually came down too !

Oh and apparently, Hakim was supposed to come too, but he was too heaty and feverish and so he cancelled on it. Bloody hell.

It was a pretty 'loud' wedding, considering we sat right infront of the blasting speakers.

We shouted to each other throughout the occasion.

Pretty fun, you might say.

Fuck yourself.

It actually made us really exhausted after the whole event.

Lol, Ayu was obviously not enjoying a minute.

But heyho. It was pretty bearable.

TKGS girls. =)

After the wedding, we headed towards E!Hub for bowling !

Bowling is addictive.

Once you bowl, you cant stop.

After each game, you cant help it but to press on the "Start New Game" icon.

Gees !

Over the black and white rainbow.

2008-06-21T08:01:00.000-07:00

Past midnight.

Still couldnt fall asleep.

Switched off the lights, turned to my comfy right, hugged my bolster and closed the eyes.

Damn it. Clock just striked one.

Got up, switched on sister's lappy and watched Lost&Delirious.

Pretty disturbing, raw emotions potrayed well.

Innocence and naiveness can be so self-destructing, never knew that.

Homophobia. Homos.

Fucking good movie. Love love love. Anyone can fall in love with anyone.

Anyfucking-one. Scary.

Was supposed to have dinner at Newton with the homos but it was cancelled cos some couldnt make it. Fucking hell.

Postponed to next Saturday.

Gees, am thinking of what to do tomorrow.

I have a wedding to attend, but somehow i dont feel like going.

I wanna SHOP.SHOP.SHOP.

But the moolah in my hands is never enough.

&Get Smart is apparently smart enough only for the todlers.

Awesome punchlines but really dull plot.

6.5/10.

Outta line.

2008-06-03T10:42:00.000-07:00

What happened at work today set me thinking.

Is she really that pretty ?

Well, as far as im concerned, she is alright lah.

Prolly a 6.

But seriously, things are getting outta hand.

One outrageous, embarassing and dignity-piercing joke after another.

I mean i dont mind if its just me and the boys.

But in times like these when she is involved, its kinda not funny anymore.

When i confronted one of them about it, he said im just being 'over-sensitive'.

Am i really ?

To be embarassed infront of someone you dont like is really something worth killing a soul.

And why is it that you love being ohsogentle and actohsopretty infront of 'em ?

No, im not jealous. Really, no. Hell no.

It kinda gets under my skin when you tell me there's like practically 4 guys after you.

Why ? Cos i have no fucking clue what you want me to do ! Quit it momma.

Get a higher paying job and take care of your little kid. That'll do for now.

On a happier note, Wangwei finally sent me the pics from Sunday FUNORAMA AEROHUB'S STYLE.

Ate at Sakura Buffet, played pool and bowling.

It was fun with em boys. (:

During the jump.

Ah Sng and mon ami.

Here i present you the most annoying motherasshole.

Blurry. But who the fuck cares.

Bye.

Havannah's.

2008-06-02T07:20:00.001-07:00

Sweet party, delicsh food and awesome ambience.

Happy Birthday Maressa.

Finally, you've hit the 2-0.

And you look absolutely amazing that night. =)

Post party baby : BFD

Ray, Hema, Mira, Sharon, Sam, Plai and I headed towards BFD for a coupla drinks.

A toast to big boy, Plai Khamsangon turning 22 on June 1st.

Best wishes darling.

After the jump.

Getting ready at Mira's crib.

At the party itself.

With the Hawaiian princess.

BFD.

Im smiling today.

2008-05-30T06:43:00.001-07:00

Running through the monsoon,

beyond the world,

to the end of time.

Where the rain wont hurt,

fighting through the storm,

into the blue,

and when i lose myself i think of you.

Together we'll be running to somewhere new,

and nothing can hold me back from you.

I was in a jovial mood just now.

Just by looking at the assholes at work, brightens up my day.

Their stupid faces, ridiculous jokes and merciless English, are like party poopers.

But besides that, i dont know what contribute to the HAHAHEHE mood.

I walked into the office, like a bird chirping, saying HELLO HI to everyone.

Aszmi din turn up today.

Which is really of no difference. Yes really.

Nothing WOW really happened in office today.

Just one thing.

Zilch sent me home! Yay me. =)

No points for guessing my happiness today.

Oh yes.

My parents were like "Hey you've not saved up enough for ur sch!"

And suddenly my heart said "FUCK SCHOOL."

Seriously, all i want right now is a life.

A friggin life.

A real job. Kick ass salary. Fab wardrobe.

Maressa's party is tomorrow, and and its gg to be at ECP.Im not sure whether boozah's gg to be served.

Sigh.

But one thing for sure, im looking forward to meeting the brothers. =)

Never can get enuff of FuckHoles.

2008-05-24T23:23:00.000-07:00

And so I met Afa after work.

Met her at Bugis.

Walked to NAFA.

Met her soon to be boyfie there.

Talked a bit, discussed his artwork whatever nort, and left.

Took a bus to Marina Sq, and met up Fareed there.

Wanted to bowl, but fucking hell the whole god damn place is booked.

Ended up hanging out at Starbucks, doing what we do best.

Talk cock.

Afa went home.

Me and Fareed rode to Parkway and ate LOL.

Wanted to play pool, but i was sneezing like an antelope.

ONE

TWO

THREE

"Mr Inverter"

2008-05-18T10:12:00.001-07:00

My sister is sick.

Suspected Dengue. wtf sia.

SATURDAY

Met up with Syaz, Nabil and Man.

Bil had free tickets to Escape.

And so we escaped.

Bil has discovered his phobia.

THE VIKING. HAHA.

Loser lah, viking is the shit sia.

I could feel my soul being pulled in and out of my body sia.

Superr.

Inverter was shitass too. ((:

Man left soon after to meet his other friends at town.

Bil was like "Kimakk, gi town nie jam buat aper sak, limit2 korang lepak, baik lepak pat sini sak...waste time and money."

He was indeed right.

Syaz was like "If you guys are gg town, baik gi clubbing sak."

She was indeed right too. HAHA.

But i had no mood nor energy for either.

In the end, it was me, Syaz and Bil to the finishing line.

Talked, puffed, ate, laughed.

No regrets.

Alas, the town boys came back to Tamp to lepak AGAIN at 1am.

Seriously, what assholes.

SUNDAY

OMGOMG.

Yest's wee hours was the shit.

At like 3am, Zilch switched on his webcam.

Like super randomly. HAHA.

Even at such hours, where most people would look like fucked up zombies, he looked so good.

Sigh.

Lollipop is sucha horny song.

JB is the only place where i dont mind splurging on SHITS such as KOKO CRUNCH and YAKULTS.

Dark chocolate.

2008-05-15T05:05:00.000-07:00

"Honey,

Its been a long time coming.

And i cant stop now.

Such a long time running.

And i cant stop now.

Do you hear my heart beating ?

Can u hear the sound ?

Cos i cant help thinking.

And i dont look down.

And i looked up at the sun.

And i could see at the way gravity turns for you and me.

And i looked up at the sky and saw the sun.

And the way the gravity pulls on everyone."

Zilch presence today.

Some heart crushed.

Zilch to look forward to.

Texts of you.

Thoughts ran.

Memories flashed.

Assumptions made.

Never assured.

Fuck this.

&yes.
Talked to Farz yest night.

Lovely chat. Loved it.

Oh gosh. THE DREAM.

Fucking hell.

Wet and wild dreams involving your friends of the same sex are hot.

Ok thats just wrong. So wrong.

Girls at my workplace are already celebrating mothers day.

One is even younger than me.

Walaowey.

Fire red.

2008-05-13T05:34:00.000-07:00

Oh god.

Can u just wipe out that uncircumsized motherfucker from the face of this earth ?

Please oh please.

Sigh. Some people survive on a sole purpose of pissing the fuck out of you.

On a happier note.

I really have no idea whats in Azmi's mind.

Is he playing with me ? Fucking hell.

Dude, whatever game you're playing, stop. I hate it.

But damn it, I cant help it sometimes.

And gees, I was speechless when you freakingly brought the past up. FUCKING HELL.

"you leave me breathless...breathless..." Oh asshole.

Boss, please leyyy, dont fire him leyyy! Ninabu.

And yes Fareed's Day.

Went KG to eat mee goreng.

Wanted to watch a movie. BUT FUCK.

Saturdays are like fucked lah okay.

Town was so full of shitheads.

NS boys everywhere.

And of course NS boys spend their Saturdays either clubbing or watching movie.

Result : All thearters full. FUCKED.

&so fareed and i walked all the way from Dhoby till Orchard.

Slacked at town, people watched, talked cock.

It was fun lah. (:

With Fareed around, it can never be boring. Like omgz.

Some pics after the jump.

Oh the matching nails.

Fareed, dont cut your hair. Its rockin'.

Your ex brought our friendship. LOL.

Love Saturdays.

2008-04-19T22:53:00.000-07:00

You just have to love Saturdays.

I was born on a Saturday and fuck its not surprise Saturdays are my most favourite days of the week.

Met Kay and Ray yest.

Its been 321 days since we trio last hung out.

Kay has always been busy with his dance, and of course Ray, busy serving the nation.

And so i met Ray at 8.15(he was 30 mins late, that whore) at Simei MRT platform.

Travelled to Dhoby and met up with Kay darling. (:

After about 1 1/2 hrs of laughter, Kay went on to join his dance crew, and Iswan(Ray's seargent) joined us.

Licks lip. Iswan is, yes, drooling hot.

Walked all the way to Forum from Dhoby. Um yes.

Entered some bar at Cascaden in Ming Arcade.

Haha, Emma is hanging out with NS boys.

Thats something new.

Fuck i knew Aliff was damn familiar.

He's Ken's friend !

And haha, Ken was there too.

It was a cool hangout.

All the botak guys were friendly and yes this particular indian baldy was super hillarious.

Bloated and woozy, Ray and I took a cab home.

Wasted and ruined. Sigh.

I love my mom.

2008-04-09T07:50:00.000-07:00

Mom is at the hospital right now. Doctors are yet to diagnose what is wrong with her. My heart sank everytime i thought of the worst. Tears flowed freely from her eyes the entire day just now. My lips were heavy to open, my mind was blank. I couldnt coax her, as i couldnt find the right words. Im devastated myself, and if she continue crying and feeling so low, i cant help but to feel scared too. My only wish right now is for her to recover. I miss her usual self, laughing and joking at the workplace. Now, she would just whisper, smile at Wayne and Zahid's gay antics. I know that deep in her, shes feeling fucked up, traumatized and worried. I told her to be strong, for her sake and of course ours'. Im pretty damn sure shes gonna be alright. Oh god, help me on this one. Bless my mom and help her recover. Make her strong to face this obstacle.I stayed by her side the whole day just now. Just as i wanted to leave, she locked her eyes into mine, and that struck me. Oh my god, Ive never felt any more worse leaving her alone in the god forsaken ward. She waved at me, and i told her, "Be strong !". I closed the door gently behind me, and she was still looking at me through the glass panel.I forced myself to look away, and walk.Ive got to be strong. This is an obstacle that would be over. Soon.Insyaallah.

Vouchers.

2008-03-26T07:58:00.000-07:00

Went Cali Fit just now.

Feels great to step in there, having not gone there for months.

Walked to Taka after sweating those fats off.

Stopped by Pull and Bear.

FUCK.

Saw this amazingly cute dress which fitted me quite nicely.

Its 75 bucks.

Its grey with white mini polka dots.

I loved it, it was like love at first sight.

Thought i could use the 100 bucks taka voucher but fuck i couldnt.

It is applicable only at Taka Dept store.

Damn. I was so crushed.

I ended up buying make up. LAWL.

How typical.

Rain, rain, go away. Sial.

2008-03-23T00:55:00.001-07:00

4pm.

Oh my god.

It was pouring.

Like god din care at all.

Oh cmon, spare me this day.

Ive got a pit for the love of mother and child!

The plan had to go on.

Cos everyone is already psyched. LOL.

Met Andre at White Sands.

Got his balls excited by buying the much anticipated Ben&Jerrys lip balm.

Flavour a la "Cookie Dough".

And since then, he couldnt get enough of fake cookie dough spread over his lips.

Made our way to Downtown, caught up with Ira, Syaz and Acap at BK.

Bought sticks, drinks and other necassary pit shit, and took a cab down to Pit 61.

Noone was there.

It was only us and our god-forsaken umbrellas.

My hair was gone, my make up has started to fade, and obviously everyone was pissed.

"FUCK THIS PIT IS SOO GOING TO COCK UP" HAHA.

Waited under the umbrella, standing beside the wet pit, puffing.

&soon before long, the rest arrived.

Finally, the chicken wings are burning.

Lets just say, it was midnight when everything started to feel like a god damn party.

It was great. (:

These are some captured moments after the jump.

Nigger, Skinny, ME and the Bdae girl.

Scare yourself.

Suckers.

Man in Coma.

The tormented cake.

Nabil the hottie.

This guy loves Iron Maiden.

Guess whos drunk in this picture.

Bye!

A Weekend to Remember.

2008-03-12T05:19:00.000-07:00

7th February 2008

It was a Friday morning.

Instead of putting on some fucked formal clothes on and heading off to work, i put on shirt and shorts and hailed a cab.

To Heng Hann's home. ((:

Oh how i love Melville Park, its so...comfortable. Heh.

Ray continued sleeping with his girl, completely ignorant of my presence.

I switched on MTV/Travel&Living for 5 hours.

Snoozed for like 3 of those hours. HAHA.

Finally at 4pm, Ray woke up !

Called Mira, double check where to meet, what time and etc.

"Great World City at 6pm. " Alright.

Sarah called me. Ayu called me.

And so i decided to bring my girls along with me.

Free tickets to WATER HORSE THE MOVIE. LOOOOL.

It was erm oh so fucking BORING.

Thank god for their accent which kept me awake for like 2 hrs !

AYE !

After that, took a bus to town.

Sarah introduced us to "Blue Light", which was captivating. ((:

It was windy, and yeah, a good place to hang out. Sitting down on the ground. Yess.

Fareed called.

My girls wanted to leave, but i didnt.

And so Fareed to the rescue! ((:

My girls left, met KKay at Youth Park, and headed towards Parkway Parade.

Took a cab there with Mira and Ray.

Mira headed home, and alighted us at Marine Parade.

Met Fareed at Macs, and the rest is history.

3am, and we are still buzzing.

Ghost stories kept our eyes opened, fries kept our stomachs at bay, and ciggs kept our brains functioning.

5am, and the yawns started to kick in.

Had a quick wink.

6am, and poker was on baby ! LOL.

7am, finally decided to take a bus and head home to fucking sleep damn it.

8th February 2008

Woke up at 1.30pm.

Ray had to meet his dad.

And so i went straight to Sam's place first.

Hema darling was already there and so were Plai and Murg. (:

As i reached, i could hear Tamil songs.

Fuck, they were watching some Tamil movie. Dang.

Apparently Murg had been translating for Plai throughout the movie HAHAHA.

The party was alright.

Lots of booze, lots of food. ((:

I drank pretty decent amount and i din get drunk. Yay me.

Ray got pretty emotional. Cried his gay heart out.

Sam got the song "Graduation" and all of us just got into an EMO state.

We hugged each other, and it suddenly occur to me what great friends they have been to me.

I LOVE THEM. love love love. ((:

They've been the best, the most caring, unbelivably hillarious and humane. (:

OMG. &&& I talked in my sleep !!

according to SAM !!

CHIBAI, that scared the shit out of me sial.

I mentioned all of the classmates names.

Creepy of what !!!

Guilty Flirting.

2008-02-27T06:11:00.000-08:00

You caught me at Hello.

You kept me guessing.

You kept me anxious.

Why? Just what is your motive ?

Im confused god damn it.

But it feels great.

You asked me why i stopped contacting you.

And you made a wild guess which was right.

You were shocked. Were you supposed to be shock ?

I dont wanna be called a slut, thats why i did that.

But you're the slut now.

Just thank god, you were born with a cute face.

Cos if not, i would have sworn off your face that day.

Annoying male species.

Anywaysss, Im leading a normal, happy life right this moment.

No more heart aches, i mean serious ones that is.

Went to gym yest with my dad.

Was caught completely off guard when i saw HER standing at the entrance.

WHY WAS SHE THERE ??

All i could stutter was FUCKFUCKFUCK under my breath.

My dad could just laughed. H a h a. I didnt find it amusing at all.

All i can say, the night ended pretty well.

She was nice.

I was nice.

Dad, consider yourself lucky.

Be grateful, for once.

Yesterday once more.

2008-02-22T19:50:00.001-08:00

Fridays are always so dramatic.

Had our gathering yest after so many failed attempts.

I miss them tremendously.

Made our way to Toa Payoh, cozied up in Sam's crib.

Chips, pizza and cupcakes decorated the table.

To sum it up, they were basically all death penalties for me.

& so i faithfully stuck by my 1 litre bottle of green tea.

Music filled the atmosphere, gladly played by our resident DJ, Mr Bryan. ((:

He's prolly glued to his Mac notebook.

Anyways, Sam's surprise completely caught me offguard.

Yeah, the surprise came in a form of a human being apparently.

Well, his guest appearance was bittersweet for me honestly.

But all i can say, im kinda relieved i got it out of my chest.

I dont wanna jump to conclusions, make assumptions or cry over it.

Whatever happened, that was me. Sober or not.

My head is still playing pictures of what happened.

& i can tell it will remain in a playing mode as long as god knows.

Oh and btw, i dont get guys at all.

Make up your god damn mind.

Its really getting to me. Really badly.

Liars.

2008-02-18T05:45:00.001-08:00

Guys are a bunch of liars.

That piss the shit out of you, the ending of your every nerve.

At this sec, i hate you.

Honesty isnt part of your dictionary, i reckon.

What does it take for a guy to stop dissing you in front of others ?

And takes you seriously, no matter how fugly you look ?

Im so sick of this shit, it makes tear whenever i think about it.

How pathetic can one get, i know...

Hear me out, god.

Give me a new lease of life.

I wanna start afresh, just like how a toddler feels, entering the gate of his first day of primary school.

Them called MY GIRLS.

2008-02-13T05:20:00.000-08:00

I love my girls.

It has been a good six years.

Had our fair share of ups and downs.

Cries and laughters.

I would never trade anything else in the world for the enchanting friendship that we have.

We think we are the coolest, the best, even though we know deep down inside, we are by far the most pathetic bunch any 19 yr old would come across.

BUT FUCK, we are cool like that.

I have to admit i was really glad Farz called me up to join you guys for Nurieks bdae bash. (:

Yay me. Yay us.

And sluts, im really looking forward to March 8th and 9th.

Nothing would come in between of us on those forsaken days. ((:

Mad Janes at Midnight hour.

Keteks at its purest state.

Smiles are like ants with them.

I love love love you guys. BFFS BITCHES.

Had a cycling session just now with Hema.

Yeah, just me and her.

For a whole 2 hours, we rode around ECP, in search of hot guys, the breeze was amazing.

My cap nearly got swept away into the sea.

That would have been disastrous.

After a tormenting ride, we headed to Subway and gobbled down a COLD CUT TRIO sandwich.

Talked and chat, and laughed, it was time to head home.

Hema, you're a great bitch. (:

p.s you're hot too. & horny as fuck. LOOOOL.

The Kid.

2008-02-09T03:29:00.000-08:00

"The Kentucky Kid"

When i saw the MTV Ad for the show, i was like what the fuck, whatever...some moto-real life documentary shit...

BUT THEN.

Fucking hell. IT WAS NICKY HAYDEN.

OMG. OMG. OMG.

Hes damn hot. Thats all i can say.

And to see him swerve around those turns, its super orgasmic.

Its been quite a while since i last updated...been kinda busy with work and projects.

Loads of things happened.

060208

Helped Kkay with his Grad Proj. I was called in to be the camerawoman! Lols. And his actor was none other than his own flesh and blood Danial Ashriq. I must say Danny is really talented and undeniably gorgeous. Im really proud to announce that we finished the shooting in less than 1 day ! ((: Super draining thats for sure. But hell, the bloopers really made our blood pumping.

070208

Headed off to Pasir Ris park for a family gathering. Had a mini picnic. Food was always delisch, as it was lovingly prepared by Mak. (: "Pitched" a tent, lol. Ive began to realise how lazy my family has become. My uncles were dozing off half the time, and the aunts would just eat and laze around on the mat. Well, as for me, lazing around bores me to death and so i rented a bike for 3 hours and rode around the park. Accompanied by my lovely cousins, Aqilah and Hilda. But the day ended good, stomach full, energy used up for good and skin burnt like fuck. Yeah, it was great. I swear. Lols.

080208

Met my girls at ECP. Had fun blading didnt we girls ? ((: Company of them girls is always fun, enlightening and random. Love you guys.

Im going to quit my job. Tolerance for biasness has dropped to zero. Nil. Zilch. I love you guys(Ah Sng, Ibrahim, Ah Yong). But the boss. Its always the boss. Fuck. It sucks to be working under a biased boss. You feel rejected. And i dont like that. At all.

It was a BRO's night. Oh hell yeah.

2008-01-25T04:37:00.000-08:00

It was an awesome, amazing night.
Farewell to one of the best buddies, making it a memorable night.
It was filled with an atmoshere that is comfortable to soak in, being surrounded by close friends was a great feeling.
Fries, chicken wings, calamaris...the food was yummy.
As our mugs clanked, it was a toast to him and and our friendships.
Plai Khamsang.
Half a yr of friendship brought happiness and plenty of laughter into my life...and the rest im sure.
You are a great friend, or shall i say GEREK GILER, posessing a heart made of gold. (:
I still remember your first day of school, and i thought you were some kid from Mauri. LOLS.
I appreciate every single bit of friendship and time we spent together.
You'll be missed dearly.
Come back soon ! Thailand better take good care of our crazy thai bastard ! (:
& to Ray, Kkay, Murg, Joey...friends till 40 ! Love you guys...

Here are the pictures after the jump. @ Bali House.

Me and Heng Hann. (2nd guess...)

Me and my beloved little boy Kay. (:

Me and the KK, Murg. (No lamp needed here. LOLS)

Haha. Noriko and the wonder of her Japanese eyes.

The players. HAHA keling kia.

Now, you tell me...

Me and my boys. I love them very very much.

Plai, see you soon. (: Gonna miss ya ! <3

Friends are like sweet apples.

2008-01-19T02:16:00.000-08:00

The weather has been playing games with us.

For hours, it could be scorching hot.

And for the next coupla, it'd be raining cats&dawgs.
Yesterday was a pretty draining day.

Worked at 9am.

All the way till 11.30am.

I know, i know...like wtf, only 2 hours ?!?Fuck you.

I finished the my work okay.

Then met up with Rayyan for school to meet up with the delisch Naidu regarding the Grad Proj.

We were supposed to meet him at 1.15pm.

But met him at 1.20pm.

And we had nothing with us at he point of time.

So we sat at one corner, thought of the abstract and objective.

I did mine in like 4 mins, and had Naidu's approval in a 23 seconds.

"Were you a doctor before this?" LOL.

Naidu couldnt read my handwriting.

And he made me read it aloud. Knn.

But Rayyan had some difficulty with his thingie.

So Naidu made me help him and ended having to wait for him to finish his lesson.

For fucking 1 hr 45 mins.

OMG. i was fucking pissed.

With Rayyan and NAIDU.

CB.

i promised Fareed to meet him at fucking 2.45pm at town sia.

But met up at 4pm instead.

Slacked, ate, talked, ran around, slapped and annoyed each other...

Its been eons yrs since we last hung out.i missed my buddy. (:

&i enjoyed every single hangout!

Then Fareed sent me to ECP by his priceless Vespa.

Met up with my TKGS sweethearts, Ayu, Adlin and Rad.

It was Adlin's bro birthday.

They had something like a surprise party BBQ at ECP for him.

So sweet.& so we walked all the way to the pit, sat down, ate hotdogs and sang birthday songs.

It was alright lah.

Saw my primary school friend, the 'famous' Khairil Ashraff there.

It was kinda of weird cos i knew noone there cept for Khairil and Zaki.

The rest were soccer mats and jc minahs. Lols.

We chao-ed at 11pm...cos there was really nothing for us to do there. Haha.

---

Zahid is coming today to repair my terminally ill computer.

Well, best wishes to him and lets all pray he can do a miracle and save my computer!

The withered Delilah.

2008-01-14T05:26:00.001-08:00

Im withering away.

My life is drying up.

I feel suffocated.

I feel used.

I feel exhausted.

Of you.

Its yet another failed attempt.

I really need to attend some fucking seminar on how-to-make-a-relationship-work.

"MAKE IT WORK BITCH."

Fuck lah.

I need to take a breather, go out of the country or something.

A much needed or rather, deserved break.

I cant wait to start my advanced dip.

Just hopefully without anymore sluts.

Enough is indeed enough.

---

Worked full day today.

Super tired.

Saw him.

Waved, smiled.

I sat promptly, trying not to meet him in the eye.

He talked to Ah Sng, and i spoke to Ibrahim.

My heart raced. I couldnt think.

He walked towards the table.

I stared at Ibrahim.

"GIRL, sorry eh tadi ter-call uh, nk call Zaini..." wtf.

Oh yeah he called me at 7am this morning, just to say oops wrong number. MTF.

Then he whispered something to Ibrahim, and i had no fucking idea what...

But Ibrahim replied something like "Naughty...naughty eh..."

I had a random feeling that he stored my number under Zaini's name, to prevent his GF from suspecting any rotten rat.

My heart sank, I was torn apart.

I feel so 'spare tyre' lah cb. KNNCCB.

Forget him. Forget everything.

Time to move on.

Yet again.

Love is not meant to happen in my god forsaken workplace.

What the fuck do u take me for ? Nabei lah.

Running through the monsoon.

2008-01-10T02:10:00.000-08:00

The rain wont stop.

& so does my train of thoughts.

I cant stop thinking about him.

I should really stop this cos i know its unhealthy.

But the gloomy weather is not helping a single bit.

Work was fine today.

Did crossword puzzles with the help of Miller LOLS.

I spoke a few words with Zahid. Biggest fluke of the day lol.

First working day without the presence of Nana whom i miss dearly.

No more lepaks in the toilet le sigh.

Thank god for the existence of Ibrahim, Miller and Thomas.

Who will not fail to add colours to my life in the god-forsaken office.

Zaini had a minor accident today.

Poor guy.

A 3 trucks collision.

"Eh you better check your behind and your front leyyy! Simi lianchao lah!"

The ever sophisticated words that comes out from Ah Sng's pie hole.

But something bothered me.

I asked Ibrahim who was involved in the accident. (whether it was him or Zaini)

Then he answered me "Zaini uh...kekasih kaoooo!"

I was flabbergasted.

LIKE SINCE FUCKING WHEN SIAL.

I was really damn shocked uh.

I need to know whether that mtf told Ibrahim about that day.

Chibai.

Like hello. Ive got taste lah okay.

"si tuer gatal tu" HAHA.

Le sigh.

---

Was supposed to meet Fareed today.

But my mom just had to have a menopause fit.

So i had to stay home.

My cousin came over.

Its about time lah, been a super long time since ive met her.

& Michelle is in town !

Yay. I truly miss our hang outs. Haute couture at its best.

All you fucking rich sluts.

Meet up soon, Mitch the Bitch. LOLS. ((:

Bless me.

"Im staring at a broken door, theres nothing left for me anymore.

My room is cold, its making me insane.

Im waiting here for so long,

together we can run to somewhere new."

Just where the fuck are you ?

2008-01-07T05:48:00.000-08:00

When will i see your face again ?

Everyday, i wait, and wait, glancing at the clock whenever i can, wishing that you'd be there.

11am, strike, 2pm, strike, 4pm, strike, 5pm, strike, yet again. Le sigh.

It came to a point where im exhausted of waiting, of hoping that i'd see your face.

Everytime i scanned my card, walked through the door, i'd turn my head to the right, my heart would be racing, full of enthuse, hoping to catch a glimpse of you.

But you were never there. Why ?

I used to see you quite often in the afternoon. But now, never.

I had prepared for the worst. That you've quit.

But heaven was nice on me on last Friday.

5.30 pm. I was ready to go home.

Hell would i expect to bump into you.

You were talking to someone else.

I wanted to say this two-letter word to you so much, and when i didnt, my heart crushed.

My mommy was beside me so i couldnt wait.

My instinct whispered to me "TURN BITCH, TURN"

& so i turned.

& you turned.

Haha. But i couldnt utter a single word. I was shocked.

We locked eyes.

& i knew things were never like it used to be.

Thanks to that bastard. Fucking sonofabitch.

I wished i could pull you aside for 2 mins and talk things out.

Things just couldnt get any worse for me.

Tomorrow. I'll talk. & you'll listen.

When you called my name,

I know my life's begun. (:

A new year, a whole new chapter.

The year started shit.

My heart is waiting to burst.

Waiting to be heard.

I was never satisfied with the outcomes of everything.

It never did go my way.

"My way or the highway?" haha.

School is over.

Books aside, time to plan out my life.

When the rain is pouring down...

2007-12-20T05:18:00.000-08:00

Hello fellow humans.

Today is Hari Raya Haji.

So Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha. (:

My mom cooked some really delisch hari raya dishes today.

& so my aunts and uncles flocked my house to get some taste of the delicacies.

Turned out to be a pretty mundane day.

Ray was supposed to come to my house to study PR but he cancelled.

& so im left alone to mug. Pretty shit.

PR is getting to me.

Theres so many things to memorise.

And it seemed that I dont givva fuck anymore.

Ive got no mood to study.

FUCK.

My sis is not home, she went over cousin's for a sleep-over. Le sigh.

But on a lighter note, ive got to know this malay guy.

LOLS.

Hes much older than me, which is pretty hot.

& hes from the same workplace as me.

So im not quite certain if thats a good or bad thing. Hah.

He asked me out for a movie on Monday and i kinda agreed. Hah.

I dont know, im not going to commit 100% cos im not too sure if i wanna go in deeper with him.

I wanna be open to everyother relationships.

Yeah...I dont wanna get tied down.

"No strings attached". Beetch.

And Ray, youve promised to get me into NICOLE SHERZINGER'S shape.

I dont care ! HAHA.

Oh cmon.

Its about time bitches. ((:

Sunday Morning.

2007-12-15T22:12:00.000-08:00

15th December 2007

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY HUD RAYYAN HENG HANN! <3

"MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE, AND STAY AS FUNNY AND SELENG AS ALWAYS !"

Oh i love this boy.

Full of life, passion and...shit. (:

Hillarious as always, he even makes fun of himself. Coolness.

Bro, lets stay bro-ified forever ok. BFFS (BRO-FOR-LIFE) Lols.

Started the day with a grp study at MP Library.

At 6pm, Ray went off to meet his girl to have dinner at his hse. (WINK2)

So I had to waste time with Kkay.

Fucking 5 hrs man.

We sat at Macs for like 1 hrs eating gross shaker fries. (Its soo salty!)

Then 8pm. We decided to proceed to ECP to walk2.

Sat there for 30 mins.

"ALAH fuckkit, lets go to my hse!"

And so we went to Kkays hse which is 20 mins away.

Slacked at his hse till 11.15pm.

& so we had a small party for Ray at ECP.

was supposed to start at 10pm.

But ended up kicking start the party at 12.30am.

All thanks to keling kia and puki kia. (thats Murg and Plai respectively.)

Bought Glenn's & some Sharks. LOLS.

Played cards. Did card tricks.

Drank. Got tipsy.

Sabo-ed Ray.

Then they went off to Clarke Quay to further their drinking & having fun.

I decided to go home since i had work that morning.

Dropped me off and i reached home at 4am.

Woke up at 7am. Dazed and cursing.

But fuck, i had fun. ((:

Today.

Its Sunday.

I hate Sundays for 2 reasons.

1. Tmr is Monday and that means sch/work.

2. I'd be too lazy to go out.

Le sigh.

Here i am with my Journalism textbook in my hand, and the other chatting and updating this god-forsaken blog.

Tmr is my Journalism paper. Like woah.

Honestly, im sitting on the fence for this one.

Im not that nervous for the paper cos im aiming for a B. Lols.

But hey at least i do get to go back to school. ((:

And yes, I missed school okay.

All those boy-watching, slacking in the canteen and saying Hi to random foreign people.

& so Hema went shopping and burned 300 bucks.

Shizzles babe.

Damn i need a wardrobe rejuvenation.

I need a shopping spree badly. Seriously.

I wanna grab dresses, skirts and shorts. ((:

"& its all because of y0u..." Lols.

Im kinda happy with what is turning out at my workplace.

Ive made more friends.

Which in turn means that working full time after school ends will not be so bad after all.

Surprisingly, we could click. HAHA. Malay guys...owells.

PEEKTURES

2007-12-13T04:57:00.000-08:00

Overdue Images

Snap a class picture before everyone leaves. (some aliens missing)

Ray's soccer tournament. I was a WAG for a few hrs. ((: Proud of it tho. LOLS. They lost though. Through a fucked up penalty shootout. && oh i saw this guy's pubics. It was as thick as Amazon's I swear. Shaver ? Pls ?

Shes perfect. I wanna be just like her. Minus getting pregs with some punk dude.

Maybe we are trying too hard.

2007-12-13T02:25:00.001-08:00

Have you ever experienced forced love ?

Or is there even such a thing ?

Like right now.

Im trying hard or rather my best to love him.

Whenever he asks me whether i love him, i stutter.

Cos in my mind, i dont. Neither does the heart.

But somehow i dont wanna lose him.

I dont know what the fuck im feeling right now...but it sucks.

I wouldnt say hes my dream...cos simply, he's not.

Honestly, I'd dare say hes my rebound.

Ive yet to get over Travis.

I HAVE TO FUCKING GET OVER HIM. PERIOD.

Everytime his name pops into my mind, tears would well up.

Like why cant it be him ?

As for that matter, why cant it be anyone that i already had my heart on ?

I dont want him.

I want Travis.

I know you want me to reciprocate your love and devotion you had showered me, but i just cant.

It doesnt feel right to me.

It felt wrong.

Like im lying to myself, and im torturing myself.

Le sigh.

Its going to be the end of 2007 soon.

Time for new resolutions.

Maybe 2, maybe 3.

I dont know.

In other happier news, Aszmi has been really sweet to me. ((:

And i really appreciate it okay.

P.S I really dig those chinky eyes of yours !

Maybe we are trying too hard.

2007-12-13T02:25:00.000-08:00

Hard to believe it.

2007-12-11T03:40:00.000-08:00

Its not over tonight.

Just give me one more chance to make it right.

I may not make it through the night.

But i wont go home without you.

Samson,

You are an amazing guy.

And im glad to have found you.

But love takes time to develop.

Everything is moving way too fast for me.

I need time to breathe and think about it.

Lepak-ed with sis and her friends yest night.

It was fun, the atmosphere filled with laughter and smoke.

I know its exams period.

Im scared.

But somehow i dont feel like studying ?

Like wtf is wrong with me.

I cant wait for the papers to be over.

Its gonna be party all day long for me baby ! ((:

Finale.

2007-12-06T05:50:00.000-08:00

Hey.

Tomorrow is the last day of school.

No more coming in class during breaks, no more bingo/taiti in class, no more smoking breaks in the bee-infested area, no more anticipation to see Shekhar, no more ham+cheese sandwich, no more drawing on Ray's arm during class...

Fuck this. I hate this feeling.

Especially when you are secretly in love with your classmate.

Seeing you everyday brings light to my eyes. LOL. *whateverr*

But seriously.

I wish i could confess to you, but i dont know if i should.

I know its not going to work anyways since home was never here for you.

And i kinda know where your heart lies.

So you know what, im not gonna bother.

Even though it kills me to say bye to you everyday after class, that goodbye hug always leave me smiling right to when i board the train.

Matters of the heart is never easy.

Love cant be forced. It takes two to clap.

I know where i stand. And im aware of everything.

I know i dont talk to you much in person, cos im afraid.

I wanted to impress you so much, it comes to a point where im cautious about every word im about to say.

You told my friend u liked me.

But why did you change your mind so quickly ?

What did i do ?

I like you asshole. I know you can tell.

And i know you're not reacting.

Cos i know. I know what your answer would be.

This is life.

Im accepting my fate.

But i'll still love you. No matter where you are.

I cant never let go.

Cos im in too deep.

I wished you were the one for me.

Every night.

p.s Hema, you are one wonderful woman. And i love you! Ty.